Underlying the emotion of love is a biological need for contact and closeness with another person. Through this contact, our bodies are stimulated and excited; wthout it they tend to become cold and hard. The need itself is perceived as a feeling of longing, which bioenergetically resembles the feeling of hunger when we need food. Longing like hunger, becomes more intense when deprived. It is also stronger in young children, whose need for contact is greatest. It subsides somewhat during the latency period and surges again during adolescence, when the sexual function becomes operative.

Realization of the difference between the feeling of LONGING and the emotion of LOVE is important to an understanding of love.

Longing bears the same relation to love that hunger does to appetite. Both hunger and longing are non-discriminating biological needs.

A hungry person will eat anything; a lonely person will accept anyone as friend. By contrast, appetite and love are directed toward specific sources of pleasure. One has appetite for certain foods; one loves a particular person as a friend or mate.

The person in-love is conscious of the love object as a source of pleasure. If the anticipation of pleasure is added to the biological longing for contact and closeness, the need is transformed into a true emotion.

The difference between love and longing is manifest in the manner and behavior of the person. The lover anticipates pleasure, his body is pleasurably excited, warm and outgoing. The person who longs is sad and withdrawn.

The feeling of LONGING is also called DEPENDENT LOVE, which is often confused with TRUE LOVE. If a person is dependent on another, he will phrase his feeling as one of love. He will say "I Love You" when what he means is "I need you".

NEEDING and LOVING are not the same thing.

- Need denotes a "lack"; love is fulfillment
- Needing can be painful; loving is pleasurable
- Dependent love ties one person to another; true love encourages freedom and spontaneity, the essential elements of pleasure.