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Impotence! The word somehow sounds like failure, weakness. If you feel that you are impotent, you may also feel that you have somehow lost part of your dignity, your masculinity, your wholeness. There are many degrees of erectile difficulties. Some men may be able to achieve an erection, but are not able to maintain it. Others become erect, but not extremely rigid. Still others only have problems when they are with a new partner or with a long-time partner. And of course, there are those who cannot achieve an erection at all. Do not despair. You may be suffering from a physical or emotional problem (or both) for which there are definite solutions. If your problem is of an emotional nature, the following tips may help. If your erectile problem arises from a medical condition, there are now many new medicines, surgeries and therapies that can help restore your sexual health. What ever the nature of your problem is, remember that almost every man has difficulties with erection at some time in his life. You are not abnormal, nor are you alone. There is no need to suffer in silence. Don’t let embarrassment keep you from sexual health and happiness. REMOVE THE PERFORMANCE DEMAND: It’s not unusual for a man to have an occasional episode of impotence, after drinking alcohol or after a particularly stressful day. However, if he places too much emphasis on the incident and harbors fear that it may happen again, the anxiety itself may become a cause of erectile difficulties. Some men engage in thinking that distracts them or take away from their sexual performance. You should try to take the performance demand out of the situation and relieve the anxiety about having to get an erection. BREAK OUT OF A ROUTINE: One problem in people’s sex lives is that they get into certain ruts and routines and they don’t have much novelty. For example they always have sex at 11:30 at night with the lights off, with the same foreplay, and so on. Their sex lives are relatively invariant. Soon, their partner becomes about as exciting to them as a flounder. They can change their sex lives by incorporating some variety- go to another place or a different setting. Vary the routine. Buy your wife some new night dresses. In short, spice up your sex life. LEARN TO RELAX: Stress, arising either from performance anxiety or from other life situations, can also be a culprit in erectile problems. Relaxation exercises are helpful. Deep breathe or progressive muscle relaxing, where the person consciously tenses and relaxes each part of the body in sequence. In and of itself, as a treatment for impotence, relaxation is not effective but it may be a good first step for someone trying to improve their own functioning. EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS: Marital or relationship difficulties are notorious contributors to sexual problems. Anger, resentment, and hurt feelings often spill into the couple’s sex life, turning the bedroom into a battlefield. This situation is especially likely to develop if partners are non communicative. You need to verbalize your feelings. Not in term of accusation, such as “you did this”, or “you did that”, but more like “I felt upset or hurt when you said that.” In other words, use “I” statements, and keep the focus on your feelings, instead of on your partner’s actions. Doing a thorough housecleaning of the relationship, instead of storing up emotional debris, may very well clear the way for a healthier sexual union. TALK ABOUT SEX: Some times, erectile problems can come right down to not feeling aroused. In these cases, patients should communicate more openly about their sexual relationship. This can be embarrassing area, one that people don’t talk about. Not talking contributes the problem. So talk about it.
DON’T DRINK BEFORE SEX: Drinking alcohol or being drunk can significantly impair your sexual functioning. Sex and alcohol never mix.
REMEMBER YOUR SUCCESSFUL EXPERIENCES:
If performance anxiety has undermined your confidence, thinking about positive sexual relationships or experiences you have had in the past may help boost your self- esteem. It may also convince you that you can have a fulfilling sex life in the future. INVOLVE YOUR PARTNER: Although erectile difficulties originate with the man, they are a couples’ problem and have couples solutions. If the problem is not medical one, there are many strategies that can help. Your chances for improvement are much better if your sexual partner is involved in the solution. KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT ABNORMAL: It can never be stated enough: Having problems with erection does not mean that you are physiologically or psychologically abnormal in any way. It is not your fault. People tend to feel guilty about their sexual problems. Men often feel that, to a certain extent, they have lost their masculinity. It may bring on a significant decline in self-esteem. But the truth is most men, for one reason or another, experience erectile failure. Even if periodic failure occurs, try not to get too upset about if. Often times, people really come down hard on them selves or have a partner that gets very distressed and feels that it is because they’re unattractive or unwanted. Getting too upset can lead to performance anxiety. Do your best to be open and understanding about the problem. READ, THEN TALK: Lack of knowledge about the sex acts itself. So read good books about sex and clarify your doubts. DEVELOP COPING STRATEGIES: Just as penis size isn’t the measure of sexual prowess, neither is the rigidity of the penis. Be confident and have the coping strength to fight the situation it will defiantly help you to come out of it. SKIP THE APHRODISIACS: Sp----h f-y and other so called aphrodisiacs are usually little more than placebos-sugar pills those do nothing but boost your confidence. But these can be very dangerous to use and can even be fatal. TRY MASTURBATION: Performance anxiety is just the anxiety over performing. But sex between loving partners was never meant to be an off-Broadway production. Don’t forget that while it’s important to please your partner, you’re also there to please yourself. Masturbation-bringing your self to orgasm while you are alone-may be helpful (as long as it’s not overdone). The next step is to bring ability into a sexual situation with your partner-changing the focus from performance to mutually pleasurable interaction.
DON’T BE AFRAID TO SEEK HELP:
When you’ve tried everything, to no avail, it’s time to seek medical attention. Studies have shown that medicines and therapies can significantly improve a couple’s sex life. Where you go, it’s up to you, but must do your homework and shop around. The most important thing is to find a qualified sex therapist to get the right solution of your problem.