Coming (ejaculating) more quickly than one or one’s partner wants in intercourse is a very common problem. We call it premature ejaculation, early ejaculation, rapid orgasm and the like. Usually people describe it in terms of time – ‘I come within a few seconds’ – or in terms of number of strokes – ‘I don’t even give half a dozen strokes and I come off’; But the issue is really about voluntary control over ejaculatory process rather than number of strokes or time.

You are not alone in this problem. About of third of all American men are estimated to suffer from an inability to control the timing of their ejaculations.

A number of factors are implicated in the cause of this condition. First, it is very common in younger males; Ejaculatory control appears to improve with age for many men.

Secondly, abstinence hampers control. A new partner or an exciting technique could also do the same. Anxiety is implicated for some.

But ejaculatory control can be gained by

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becoming aware of one’s own levels of sexual excitement during sexual intercourse,
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recognizing the level of excitement above which ejaculation is inevitable, and
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learning the skills necessary to stay at high levels of arousal without coming.

This needs a bit of patience, observation, attention and skill, but the results would be impressive. Just as swimming or cycling can be learnt, so also ejaculatory control could be.

A number of authors have described elegant techniques of ejaculatory control. You may wish to go through the links provided on the right column of this page. The most popular techniques are the stop-start technique developed by Dr. James Semans and the squeeze technique by Masters and Johnson. Many others have added their own variants to these.

To gain ejaculatory control, you may wish to follow the instructions below:

Practice them in the comfort of your home or at a place most convenient for both, and in an atmosphere free of distractions, tensions, anxiety, fear etc.

Indulge in foreplay leisurely and enjoy every erotic sensation you experience.

Do not penetrate the vagina rapidly, and do not start thrusting as soon as you enter the vagina. Take time to penetrate. Penetrate slowly and in stages. As your penis makes its way through the vaginal sphincter, the warm and moist intravaginal environment and the squeeze of the sphincter are likely shoot your sexual excitement up to the peak and trigger orgasm and ejaculation. On the contrary, pushing the penis inch by inch into the vagina and relaxing for a few seconds after each push helps you to stay in control.

Do not start thrusting immediately after entering the vagina. Wait for a few seconds till the rising sexual excitement comes down to manageable levels.

If at any time during or after penetration, you feel that you are going to come (ejaculate), quickly empty your lungs by exhaling a few times simultaneously through the mouth and the nostrils.This will relieve you of the high level of excitement and bring back control. Some experts like Edwin Hirsch and Bernie Zilbergeld suggest that drawing the air in slowly and deeply will reduce ejaculatory premonition. You may try both methods and chose the one best for you.

When you feel better inside your partner’s vagina, you may begin to give a few (usually 4-5) long and slow thrusts and again stop for a few seconds. This intervening rest period may range from a few seconds to a minute. It’s you who should determine this. Relaxing for too long will cause the penis to lose erection partially, and too short a break does not serve the purpose. So take only as much break as would be needed to reduce your sexual excitement, at the same time keeping the penis hard enough. Got it?

After this gap of a few seconds, give a few more thrusts (this time more strokes than the previous lap, say, 6-10) and stop once again. Thus, continue starting and stopping for sometime until you can continue to do the thrusting without frequent breaks. This procedure will help you to gradually gain orgasmic control in less than ten sessions.

After you reach this stage of progress, you can expect to be in a position to control your excitement at the desired level by slowing down thrusting rather than stopping movements altogether.

As and when you decide to reach orgasm you may do so by making the thrusts shorter and faster thereby allowing your excitement to mount to the peak. Of course, the female partner can also participate suitably.

In a nutshell -

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Commencing penile thrusting immediately after penetration may favor or trigger early ejaculation.
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Short and rapid thrusting often leads to rapid orgasm while slow and long stroking facilitates orgasmic control (Barry McCarthy)
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Continuous (nonstop) thrusting, whether rapid and short or long and slow, tends to cause rapid orgasms. Thrusting intermittently with carefully timed short periods of rest encourage orgasmic control.
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Recognizing the point when ejaculation is about to occur is important to learn orgasmic control.
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If ejaculatory premonition is felt at any time during thrusting, but the point of no return is not reached yet, breathing out rapidly through the mouth and the nostrils (rather than taking a quick, deep breath and holding it) reduces the rising pre-orgasmic sensations.

The success of this technique depends on many factors. It is important that you participate in this program in a relaxed setting. The couple should be free of anxiety, hostility, relationship conflicts, fear of abandonment, of displeasing the partner etc. It is also necessary that the entire program be discussed with the female partner and her cooperation sought. It would be helpful if the female remains a passive partner till the male partner gains adequate orgasmic control.

Often mild resistance may come up from the female partner, who may protest that this slow and start-stop thrusting is depriving her pleasure. She may insist on rapid nonstop thrusting or initiates the movements herself, thus interfering with the male partner’s learning. It’s necessary that she understand that this is only a learning process and that once the male partner gains sufficient control, she can get her due share of pleasure.