TALKING TO TEENS
Teenage is a very sensitive age. Over her the teenager is neither a kid anymore nor a complete grown up. There are lots of changes happening in the body, in the mind as the teenager is unable to control them and neither are the parents. There are a few things that one needs to know about while dealing with them.
ACKNOWLEDGE YOU’RE TEENAGERS FEELING
• Instead of dismissing feelings…Identify thoughts and feelings
• Instead of ignoring feelings…Acknowledge feelings with a word or sound
• Instead of logic and explanation…Give in fantasy what you can not give in reality
• Instead of going against your better judgment…Accept feelings as you redirect unacceptable behavior.
TO ENGAGE A TEENAGERS COOPERATION
• Instead of giving orders…describe the problem
• Instead of attacking the teenager…describe what you feel
• Instead of blaming…give information
• Instead of threats and orders…offer a choice
• Instead of a long lecture…say it in a word
• Instead of pointing out what’s wrong…state your values and/ or expectations
• Instead of angry reprimands…do the unexpected
• Instead of nagging…put it in writing
ALTERNATIVES TO PUNISHMENT
• State your feelings
• State your expectations
• Show how to make amends
• Offer a choice
• Take action
WORKING IT OUT TOGETHER
• Invite your teen to give his point of view
• State your point of view
• Invite them to brain storm with you
• Write down all the ideas-silly or sensible- without evaluating
• Review your list. Decide which ideas you can both agree to and how to put them in action.
WHEN PRAISING TEENS
• Instead of evaluating…describe what you feel
• Instead of evaluating…describe what you see
TALKING ABOUT SEX TO TEENS
• You need to talk to your teen about sex the reason being whether you tell them or not they are going to learn about it. Atleast you would provide them right information.
• Forget the big talk have small talks which could be sparked by something that’s happened to a friend, a piece of television news.
• Try to talk about sex without embarrassment.
• Remember you are aiming for a conversation not an attack.
• Don’t worry if they seem not to listen, this is an important subject to them and you’ll almost certainly have more of their attention than it seems.
• Talk about the emotions as well as the physical process, and explain your beliefs and values.
• Be sensitive to your teenager
• Talk to not only about sex but also about love and commitment.
INTERNET AND TEENS
• Encourage your child to use a chatroom that requires registration the first time you visit.
• Explain that they should never give their password, phone number or email address to somebody they do not know.
• Social networking sites allow children to build up a list of selected friends. Just keep a watch on this list.
• Warn your teenager to be aware of somebody who wants to be too close too soon-perhaps someone asking for personal details.
• Sending photos is fine- to people your teenagers actually known. But remember they should not send it to just an internet friend.
• Tell them to always let you know if somebody has made them feel uneasy- perhaps by inappropriate language or suggestions.
• They should only meet face to face with somebody they have ‘met’ online if they have an adult they trust present and that to in a public place.
• Warn them about chatting online with somebody who is obsessed with secrecy.
• Most teenagers prefer to have computers in their bedroom with internet access this may not be wise.
• Install filtering software that prevents your teenager entering sites that you don’t wish them to.
DEALING WITH DRUGS
• Know about drugs, be ready to spot symptoms.
• Talk about drugs before it’s an issue.
• Know their friends.
• Build their sense of personal value
• Look out for vulnerable moments.
• Allow other adults that you trust to be a support to your child.