I wonder why people deliberately choose to go on a roller coaster! If
you ask me, life offers enough roller coaster rides! I wish I could go
on a passenger train, which chugs along at a steady, sedentary speed,
stops at every station where you have sleepy porters and little urchins
running after you for a tip or leftover food. Instead, here I am traveling at breakneck speed, alert 24x7, as I am the person behind the
steering wheel of a fast-moving locomotive, which is shooting through a
dark tunnel, which never seems to end and also, one is not really sure
what is actually there at the end of the tunnel!
I have been on this
journey for almost seven years now, when my family started to go through
turbulent times. The turbulence would rock me time and again and I
would swim against the tide, gasp when I seemed to go underwater, but
surface again, refusing to give in. Each time however, the currents
came on stronger and stronger and each time, I would think it was the
last time before I would go under.
It is not that I claim to be a
very strong person or anything. Just that resilience does come to me
naturally and I am a fighter. But of late, I have found the fighting
spirit giving way to acceptance. Is that what it is all about I wonder?
That I need to accept that these squalls as part of my life and
understand that I am attracting the contra indicative factors in my life
because I am a seasoned fighter? If that is so, then I also need to
know whether it is okay not to fight, so that I do no attract this
energy anymore.
I need to understand perhaps that even though I feel
I am running standing in the same place, I need to refuse to entertain
doubt. I need to tell myself that this too shall pass, and that there
would come a day when I would not be getting up, wondering what news the
day has in store for me; whether I am going to sail through, or sink…
Mohana Narayanan
Posted on Tuesday, 28th September 2010
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