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In order to purify our minds we need to consciously choose pure emotions over impure ones, by rising above conditioning.

In cultivating a saumya personality, we need to start working consciously and conscientiously on purification of the mind and emotions. We need to learn to choose purer emotions. How do we determine what are the purer emotions?

Psychologically speaking, if a certain emotion causes pain in our minds and its expression evokes a painful feeling in those who are in relationship with us, these emotions are not pure ones. If an emotion leaves a smile in our or another's mind, then it is a pure emotion. Spiritually speaking, the emotions that are conducive to enlightenment are the pure ones.

It must be remembered that our emotional choices are learnt ones; they are habits we have formed. In the same situation, one has access to multiple emotional choices. A brave man sees a tiger in the wild and his hunting instinct is activated. A coward sweats with fear and flees. A yogi stays neutral or is filled with non-violent, loving feelings for his fellow living being.

The reaction we choose is from the habits created by our culture, education or personal circumstances.

Here is an example from world cultures. Let us take anger. In certain schools of modern psychology, a therapist works on bringing to the fore our hidden anger and suggests to the client that he give himself permission to express anger. The question of the ethics of emotions plays no part in this. In India we are often advised to control our anger, but display of anger is still commonplace. In the cultures of SE Asia, anger is particularly frowned upon. You arrive after a long flight to a hotel where you had made a reservation and even reconfirmed it, only to be told by the receptionist that you have not made a booking. If, in your state of exhaustion and frustration you display anger, you will be completely ignored. No one will talk to you till you calm yourself down and become civil and gentle.

These are examples of culturally and educationally generated emotional habits. But at a certain time in our lives we begin to examine ourselves. We can make conscious choices, which may be different from those of general culture or family patterns.

or example, boys often see their fathers abusing their mother. As a child the boy's sympathy is with the mother. But as he grows to manhood, he identifies more and more with the father and emulates him.

But one may choose to take a different path internally. One may dig deep and bring to the conscious mind, the unconscious memory of how painful it was, as a young child, to watch his mother being hurt; here one taps the 'son'-personality rather than the 'domineering, insensitive and cruel male' personality.

In USA and other western countries where jurisprudence increasingly takes into account the principles of psychology, it is common for the attorneys to argue that a certain person has abused and hurt his child helplessly because he was conditioned to do so through his own psychological trauma when abused and hurt as a child. The spiritual argument, however, would be based on an extension, a deepening, of the principle of free will. One is free to make one's choice if one is spiritually awake, to go beyond this psychological conditioning.

One may thus make a conscious choice. One may make a resolve to cultivate within oneself the emotional states that create a saumya personality, generating a non-painful feeling and evoking the same in the person(s) in our relationship and opting for that which leads to enlightenment.

Even if we ignore this last goal, the other three are worth pursuing in our quest for purification of emotions, bhava-sam-shuddhi.

Thus we need to begin to look at our emotions not as something that renders us helpless, whose 'accidental' presence we have no choice over, but rather as acts of volition and we choose them on the basis of some moral principles. There you have an ethics of emotions.

As one grows spiritually, one frees oneself more and more from psychological, educational and cultural conditioning. One no longer acts adversely towards women because 'everybody does so'. One does not cast aspersions at people of other ethnic, religious or caste groups just because one is conditioned to believe that he is the best, the highest and the noblest. Spirituality supersedes psychology.

As we have shown, we then choose the noble emotions. We change our past habits and learn to react differently. Part of our spiritual journey consists of emotional de-conditioning of the ignoble and re-conditioning towards the noble. Spiritual guides have employed many internal tools to accomplish this purpose.

Here is just a short explanation of the concept of the ethics of emotions. All through the history of philosophy, sages and philosophers have spoken of three levels of actions: mental, vocal and physical, from manas, vak and kaya, respectively.

In the Zoroastrian tradition we are taught the same: manashni, gavashni, kunashni - to think, to speak and to act in a noble and peace-generating way.

Mental acts are expressed in speech and physical actions. A majority of our mental acts are emotional ones, based not on logic but on feelings and conditioning. This is where the ethics of emotions begins, to discern between right and wrong mental acts and thereby heal your own mind

“ My parents want to get me married to a girl of their choice. The problem is that I have homosexual preferences. What should I do?” – 25yr, Businessman.

“I am ashamed doctor. My son has disgraced my family. 5 months ago we got him married. For so long he never touched his wife. Yesterday we found out he is gay!!! My son’s gay!!!! I am shattered!!! My name in the society is all gone now!!!” – 58yrs govt. Employee

“I got married 3yrs ago, but have never been happy with my husband. I am into a relationship with a building friend of mine. She and me are like soul-mates, now my husband wants to move away, I am so fearful of losing her” – 25yrs, Housewife

“Hello doctor, I have a dark secret which I haven’t shared with anyone. I am gay. I don’t know how I got this disease. Please help me” – 24yrs, Executive in MNC.

These are real life examples of individuals I have met in my clinic over the last few years.. Few out of the hundreds people who have consulted me secretly because they emotionally fail to battle the social stigma attached with their sexual orientation.

The Indian society is one that is evolving.
Thou over the years we have managed to battle many of our “illogical” orthodox belief systems, same-sex relationships are probably the biggest barrier that “neo” thinkers and social reformist face.

Science has already proved homosexuality to be a personal choice that doesn’t account for any mental illness.
BUT IS THIS ENTIRELY TRUE????
ARE WE READY TO ACCEPT SCIENCE... or ARE IS THE AGE OLD MYTH A REALITY??

What is homosexuality?
Medically - Homosexuality is a emotional and behavioural pattern defined by sexual, romantic or affectional attraction between members of the same sex/gender.

Popular view - Its one of the greatest sins one can create.

Is homosexuality more common in men?
Medically - Homosexuality is equally present in men and women.

Popular view - people only concentrate on male homosexuality, forgetting about female behavior.

Is it a disease or mental disorder?
Medically - No It’s nor a disease nor a disorder in case of pure homosexuals.
But in many it can be a psychological adaptation due to the environment.
Thousands of psychological studies, CT-scan, MRI-scans have proven that homosexuality is not a disease or disorder.

Popular view- Yes

How does one become homosexual?
Homosexuality is a personal choice, but how has the choice come into effect makes difference in entire profile of an individual.

1. Genetics – A pure homosexual individual, is one who is born with genetic code which directs the brain to follow homosexual relationships.

2. Childhood experience – sexual abuse or multiple episodes of same sex sexual interactions in childhood can condition the mind to favour same sex relationships.

3. Adolescence Curiosity – curiosity might lead an individual to read or watch materials related to homosexuality. This might leave an impact on the mind, creating a source of never ending thoughts related to the same. Constantly thinking about the same might ignite desire to experiment.

4.Living or Working Environment – an environment which is devoid of contact with the opposite sex makes expression of normal sexual desires difficult.
Single sex dominated environments like boys/girls Hostels, closed enclosures, working places (ships, oil rigs, military, construction), etc.

Even Peer group pressure for same sex relationship is observed.

5.Failed relationships – A major failed relationship might imprint hatred against the opposite sex. Same sex relationships are seen as more comforting and understanding.

6. Poor Heterosexual sexual experience – Sexual intercourse is closely linked to the ego of an individual. Fear to perform, a poor or painful sexual intercourse with the opposite sex, might create extreme fear within an individual. This fear might promote an individual to go for same sex relationships.

We need the society to understand that Homosexuality is a sexual preference.
That doesn’t make a person different from any other individual. He/She has the same emotions and physical desires as any other person.

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